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School Refusal (“School Can’t”) in Children: Understanding “Can’t,” Not “Won’t”

If your child has started resisting or refusing to go to school, you’re not alone, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Many Sydney families go through this, and it can leave parents feeling worried, exhausted, and unsure what to do next. It’s easy to read this as naughtiness or a battle of wills, but for most kids, it comes from real distress rather than a choice not to attend.

You may also see this described as “School Can’t” rather than school refusal, a term that’s become widely used by Australian parent and advocacy groups, including School Can’t Australia. Many families find “School Can’t” captures the experience more accurately, since it points to a child’s difficulty coping rather than a wilful choice. We’ll use both terms throughout this article.

This article gently unpacks what school refusal (or “School Can’t”) actually looks like, some of the common reasons behind it, and how families across the Inner West and NSW can find the right support to help their child feel safe again.

Key Takeaways

• School refusal, often called “School Can’t” by Australian parent groups, usually comes from anxiety or overwhelm, not defiance or naughtiness.
• It helps to think of it as your child “can’t,” rather than “won’t,” go to school.
• Common reasons include anxiety, sensory overload, friendship troubles or bullying, and undiagnosed neurodevelopmental differences.
• Getting support early tends to make things easier for everyone, including your child.
• A child psychologist in the Inner West can help work out what’s going on and put together a gentle, realistic plan with you and your child’s school.
• SCPS offers appointments in Croydon Park as well as telehealth for families across NSW.

What Does School Refusal Actually Mean?

School refusal is when a child feels genuine distress about going to school and, because of that, avoids or resists attending, even when parents are doing everything they can to encourage them.

It’s a bit different from truancy, where a young person skips school without their parents knowing, usually without much distress involved. With school refusal, most parents are well aware their child isn’t going, and often the child actually wants to be able to go, they just feel like they can’t manage it.

Every child shows this differently:

• Younger kids might cry, cling to Mum or Dad, or have big meltdowns before school.
• Some children get tummy aches or headaches on school mornings that seem to ease once they know they don’t have to go.
• Older kids and teens might go quiet, argue about leaving the house, or retreat to their room.
• Some days might be fine and others really hard, which can make the whole thing confusing for parents and teachers to read.

School Refusal (“School Can’t”) vs Truancy: What’s the Difference?

Area	School Refusal (“School Can’t”)	Truancy
What’s driving it	Anxiety or overwhelm	Not usually distress-driven
Do parents know?	Yes, in most cases	Often not
Child’s attitude to school	Wants to go, but feels unable to	Often not that interested
Common signs	Tummy aches, meltdowns, withdrawal	Skipping, little explanation given
What helps	Easing the underlying distress	A different, engagement-focused approach

This distinction really does matter, because a child who’s anxious needs a different kind of support than one who’s disengaged, and treating one like the other rarely helps.

“Can’t,” Not “Won’t”: Why This Matters

Thinking of school refusal as something your child “can’t” do, rather than “won’t” do, can genuinely change how things unfold for your family.

When a child’s difficulty getting to school is treated as bad behaviour, the natural response is often firmer boundaries or consequences. But for a child whose avoidance comes from anxiety, this can sometimes make things harder rather than easier.

Seeing it as a “can’t” shifts the question from “how do I get my child to comply” to “what’s making school feel so hard right now, and what needs to change.” It’s a small shift in thinking that can open up a much more compassionate, and often more effective, way forward.

Common Reasons Behind School Refusal

School refusal isn’t a diagnosis in itself, it’s more a sign that something feels too much for your child right now, whether that’s at school, at home, or within themselves. Some common contributors include:

Anxiety

Worries about being away from a parent, about how they’re doing academically, or about specific parts of the school day like assemblies, tests,  friendship issues or bullying can all sit underneath school refusal.

Sensory Overload

For some kids, the classroom itself, the noise, the crowding, the lighting, unpredictable changes, can feel like a lot to take in, particularly for children who are autistic or sensory-sensitive.

Friendship Troubles or Bullying

Struggles with friendships, feeling left out, or being bullied can make school feel unsafe. Sometimes kids find it hard to put this into words, so it may only come to light through a gentle conversation or a proper assessment.

Undiagnosed Neurodevelopmental Differences

Some children with undiagnosed autism, ADHD, or learning differences find the day-to-day demands of school, whether social, sensory or academic, harder than their classmates, without anyone yet understanding why.

 

Changes at Home

Big life changes, like a separation, illness in the family, moving house, or a new sibling, can sometimes leave a child feeling less settled, which can show up as reluctance to be away from home.

How a Psychologist Can Help

Understanding what’s really going on

Because school refusal can come from a few different places, a psychologist usually starts by getting a clear picture of what’s actually driving it for your child, rather than assuming it’s the same for every family.

Building a gentle, step-by-step plan

Rather than expecting an immediate return to full attendance, support usually looks like a gradual plan, built together with your child, your family, and the school, so each step feels manageable rather than overwhelming.

Working alongside the school

With your consent, a psychologist can liaise with teachers or the school counsellor to help turn your child’s needs into practical, everyday adjustments, like a modified timetable, a quiet space to retreat to, or a bit more warning before transitions.

Supporting you too

Parents need support through this as well, especially around staying calm and consistent when your child is distressed about school. A psychologist can work with you on steady, realistic strategies that support the plan at home.

A Few Things That Can Help at Home

• Stay curious rather than frustrated. Try to understand what feels hard about school for your child, rather than assuming it’s about motivation.
• Keep talking with the school. An early, honest chat with a teacher or school counsellor can help everyone spot patterns sooner.
• Avoid all-or-nothing thinking. A gradual return often works better than expecting things to snap back to normal overnight.
• Reach out for support early. The longer things go on without support, the more entrenched the anxiety can become, so it’s worth reaching out sooner rather than later.

Accessing Support: Medicare Rebates

For many Sydney families, cost is a real factor when deciding whether to seek help. If your GP determines it’s appropriate, they can prepare a Mental Health Treatment Plan, which may make your child eligible for Medicare rebates on a set number of psychology sessions each calendar year. It’s worth booking a longer appointment with your GP to discuss this before your first psychology appointment, so any rebates can be applied from the start.

How SCPS Can Help

Sydney Child Psychology Services (SCPS) supports children and families across Croydon Park and the Inner West who are going through school refusal (or “School Can’t”), taking a warm, neurodiversity-affirming approach to understanding what’s really going on for your child.

As a child psychologist in Croydon Park, SCPS works alongside children, parents and schools to build practical plans that feel achievable, with telehealth also available for families across NSW who can’t make it in person.

A Final Note

School refusal can be a genuinely hard thing for a family to go through, but it’s very rarely about a child simply being difficult. Seeing it as a “can’t,” rather than a “won’t,” opens up a kinder, more effective way forward, for your child and for you. If school has become something your child dreads, SCPS is here to help you understand why, and to work out what support could look like.

FAQs

Is school refusal the same thing as truancy?

Not quite. Truancy usually means skipping school without parents knowing, often without much distress. School refusal involves real anxiety or overwhelm, and most parents are aware their child isn’t attending.

What age does school refusal usually start?

It can happen at any age, though it’s often seen around big transitions, like starting school, moving into high school, or other changes in a child’s routine or environment.

Should I make my child go to school anyway?

Pushing attendance without understanding what’s behind it can sometimes make things harder. A gradual, supported approach, with a psychologist’s help if needed, tends to work better in the long run.

Could school refusal be linked to autism or ADHD?

For some children, yes. Undiagnosed autism, ADHD or other neurodevelopmental differences can make school feel especially demanding, particularly when it’s sensory or socially overwhelming.

How long does support usually take?

This really varies from child to child, depending on what’s driving it and how long it’s been going on. A psychologist can give you a better sense of timing after getting to know your child.

Does SCPS work with schools directly?

Yes, with your consent, SCPS can liaise with teachers and school counsellors to help build a plan that works both at home and at school.

Can I get a Medicare rebate for psychology sessions?

Possibly. If your GP prepares a Mental Health Treatment Plan and considers it appropriate, your child may be eligible for Medicare rebates on a set number of sessions per year. It’s best to raise this with your GP before your first appointment.

Safety Note

SCPS is not a crisis or emergency service. If you or your child needs urgent support, please contact your GP or your nearest hospital emergency department. In an emergency, call 000. You can also reach Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 for crisis support.